


Imprinted

by cyavillain



Category: Naruto
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Death, Drug Abuse, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 04:21:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21068756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyavillain/pseuds/cyavillain
Summary: Time moves slow, and then it’s gone in a blink. The pile of dishes grows instead of disappearing.





	Imprinted

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'd like to say a few words here. This is a story about an environment that doesn't understand mental health issues at all. So, be cautious. Also, I should mention that in this story, an adult character is struggling with mental health issues, and two minors notice that. Obviously, that shouldn't be their burden to carry, and I don't want to advocate any behaviors that are shown here. The power of friendship can't help with mental health. 
> 
> I'll add more warnings to ch 2, so you should keep an eye out for those as well. 
> 
> If y'all wondering, why I wrote this, a few months ago I learned a new term, 'curtain fic' - but the definition wasn't really my style, so I decided to take it literally, and I decided to get this story done now 'cause it's Halloween season and this kinda fits. 
> 
> Anyway, for those who're still reading, let's go!

“Open up, Kakashi-sensei, we know you’re in there!” Naruto yells as he pounds Kakashi’s front door, determined to come in.

Kakashi sighs. The living room couch has become his primary lounging spot, and it has been like that for quite a while. The Fifth has prescribed pain medication to take three times a day, and the stuff is definitely working.

There’s another loud bang at the door.

Kakashi knows that his former students aren’t going to leave before they’ve confirmed that all is well. They’ve probably heard too many rumors by now. The dogs have kept Kakashi updated on hot topics in Konoha. Contrary to popular belief, he isn’t particularly depressed. He’s just making the most of the time that the Fifth has kindly given him in order to heal.

“C’ mon, sensei!” Naruto insists. His injuries are much more severe than Kakashi’s. The boy should be resting instead of worrying about other people, let alone Kakashi. A new arm prosthetic should be a good enough reason to take it easy.

“Idiot!” Sakura’s voice cuts off the persistent knocks. “Are you a ninja or not?”

Kakashi sinks deeper into his seat and counts to ten. He’ll get up once he’s finished.

That’s a lie, but it’s alright since Naruto has taken Sakura’s advice. A clicking sound reveals that the lock has been picked.

Kakashi glances at the closest window and gives up on his escape. He’s not in a mood for socialization, but running away seems silly.

Eleven seconds later, the visitors have arrived.

“Kakashi-sensei!” Naruto exclaims as he enters the apartment. He’s in such a rush that he doesn’t remember to kick his shoes off. Sakura tries to stop the inevitable by yelling after Naruto, but it’s too late. A muddy trail of footprints follows him.

“Maa, it’s alright,” Kakashi says as he pulls himself straight. “This place needed a bit of cleaning anyway,” he adds as Sakura stomps to the room, ready to give a piece of her mind to Naruto. Those two make a solid duo, but some things just don’t change.

“We’ve been so worried, you know!” Naruto babbles. “No one has seen you in ages! Gai-sensei says that he hasn’t heard from you since we got back from Kumo!”

“Ah, yes, I was going to pay him a visit,” Kakashi claims. He isn’t one-hundred percent honest with his former students, but Gai has been on his mind.

It’s almost like a few days have vanished.

Sakura has barely said a thing. She’s standing by the bookshelf, looking at it like it's a violation of some unwritten rules. She sweeps her finger across one of the ledges, and a puff of dust is unleashed.

That’s unfortunate, Kakashi thinks to himself. He hasn’t done much after coming home.

Naruto and Sakura exchange looks. It’s likely that they have gone through all kinds of scenarios, talking about how they should go about their business.

“Sensei, we think that you should speak to lady Tsunade about your recovery,” Sakura says. Those are some really well-chosen words. Naruto decides to remain silent. After all, he’s not the soft-spoken one out of the two.

This confirms the practiced speech hypothesis.

Kakashi appreciates the consideration that he’s been given. He gets the implication even without straightforward explanations. The truth is that his comrades, including his former students, have many concerns regarding him.

“The Fifth has a lot on her plate right now,” Kakashi points out, making sure to use his most nonchalant voice. “Now, I don’t think we should bother her. My wounds are almost healed. There are many people whose injuries still require considerable care and treatment.”

“But…” Naruto is cut short by a glare from Sakura.

Kakashi pretends that he’s unaware of it. He has found these voiceless conversations fascinating in the past. After all, teamwork requires nonverbal communication skills.

“I get it,” Kakashi says. “The war was upsetting for all of us, but I can assure that there’s nothing to worry about. I’ve seen worse.”

Kakashi’s chest aches but he’s keen to push it aside. Surely there are many things to talk about with Sakura and Naruto. They know how to dance around certain topics.

Sure, Obito’s presence lingers in the air, but it isn’t addressed. In fact, there are two names that are never mentioned under any circumstances. Coincidentally, both of them are Uchihas. That’s the most important unwritten rule within the team.

Silence drifts down over them.

Sakura’s gaze wanders through the room, desperately searching for another subject.

“So, Kakashi-sensei,” she says as something catches her eye. “Your house is a bit dark, don’t you think?”

“I suppose so,” Kakashi admits. There’s no point in denying the facts. He doesn’t care much about such stuff, but as long as everyone is willing to drop the previous conversation, anything goes.

Besides, Mr. Ukki appears to be weary in its pot. This apartment hasn’t seen much sunlight in weeks.

“We should update your interior design,” Sakura decides. Somehow she even manages to smile. “Nothing too fancy – a little bit of yellow could work.”

“Yes, I can see that,” Kakashi replies. His mind is already elsewhere, but as long as the topic is anything but the war, everything’s fine.

Sakura explains that medics are currently trying to find solutions for post-mission dejection on a budget, and Kakashi lets his mind drift off into a void. At least Sakura sounds excited about the new medical study.

Naruto sounds equally thrilled.

It’s far more important to pick up the tones than the words.

Time becomes meaningless again.

Kakashi can’t remember if he brewed tea or if his students did, but once they’re gone, he’s holding a mug filled with lukewarm ginger water. Two empty mugs stand on the coffee table, waiting for someone to wash them up. But then again, it’s just tea, it can wait.

Time moves slow, and then it’s gone in a blink. The pile of dishes grows instead of disappearing.

The wounds on Kakashi’s chest are still throbbing, but the recommended dose of Tsunade’s medication solves the problem.

Another few days pass in a haze.

Gai is released from the hospital on Sunday. He drops by to tell Kakashi that everything is fine and that they both should turn a new page in their lives. They are both young and healthy according to him, and that’s partially true. Thirty-one is a ripe age for a shinobi, but on average, people live much longer than that.

Kakashi glances at Gai’s wheelchair without saying anything about it. Their eyes meet for a brief moment. It becomes evident that frankness can wait until the post-war commotion is over.

“I’ve been meaning to visit you,” Kakashi says. “But it looks like you got here first.”

Better apologies have been made, but it’s a start.

Gai’s face breaks into a wide grin.

“Don’t you worry, my eternal rival!” he utters.

The conversation goes on.

The common consensus is that it’s important to keep a positive mindset. The war has left Gai unable to walk, which doesn’t stop Kakashi from entertaining the idea of them having a little running competition once they’re both healed. They know that a full recovery can’t be expected in Gai’s case, but that’s yet another depressing fact to put aside.

A little bit of escapism is perfectly fine.

Kakashi flinches as he feels sharp phantom blades sinking into his chest. It’s ironic how he was ready to fight for the harsh realities of life only to find himself running away from them a mere month later. The silver line is that Kakashi manages to keep his face neutral. It would be inconsiderate to wallow in self-pity.

“Even when we stumble, we move forward,” Gai concludes after giving a lengthy lecture about coming over hardships. “I hope you feel the same, my eternal rival,” his smirk is as cheerful as always, but for the first time ever, Kakashi notices the dark shadows around Gai’s eyes.

“Of course,” he replies, ignoring the glance that lingers on him. “Tsunade says I should be able to get back to work in no time.”

“Excellent,” Gai exclaims. He pats Kakashi’s shoulder and makes sure to widen his smile. That’s how he underlines the importance of his words. “There are better things in the future than in the past,” Gai reminds. He’s right and he means well.

“Very true,” Kakashi agrees. This is Gai’s cue to leave.

Obito’s name hasn’t been mentioned, but Kakashi gets the implication, and this time, it isn’t subtle. He’s not over the mourning phase, never has been. Given how many lives Obito has taken away, such grief is certainly unjustified.

Gai has every reason to point out that a madman isn’t worth missing. He has lost a student and his ability to walk, but he isn’t sitting around all day long, floundering in what-ifs. He’s moving on instead, and Kakashi should be doing the same. Obito is the reason for Gai’s current state, and he isn’t there, unlike Gai.

Kakashi acknowledges this, but no one, not even Gai, gets to imply that Obito needs to be forgotten.

That’s not happening.

Kakashi doesn’t know what to think anymore. He tells Gai that it’s getting late and that the dogs must be fed. It’s not the best excuse for goodbyes, but Gai accepts it. He leaves in good terms with Kakashi, and that’s what counts.

Once Gai is gone, Kakashi takes a few pain killers and settles down to sleep away most of the ache.

Time flies like that.

Kakashi isn’t proud of the dreams that he has. He sees images that make him feel unclean after waking up. There are instances where his fingers run across thick, swirling scars, and it goes much further than that. Obito’s skin is warm and damp, flushed with anticipation.

“I wish I could’ve touched you like this,” Kakashi mumbles over and over again. There’s a lump in his throat, but Obito doesn’t seem to care about the crack in Kakashi’s voice. He pulls Kakashi closer to him and tells him to forget about the world. That pitch-black hell isn’t going anywhere whilst they dream.

Kakashi gets up every now, ashamed and unable to muster the willpower to stop himself descending into decay. He drinks water, uses the bathroom and feeds the dogs, but that’s about it. Everything is hazy, and staying awake would mean facing the shame. It needs to be pushed aside before Kakashi can function.

A couple of days pass.

Things get depressing when Kakashi runs out of medication. His wounds are throbbing, and his headache is worse than any he’s had before.

Another intervention is bound to happen, Kakashi thinks, gulping down a glass of water. It takes him quite a while to realize that someone is knocking on the door – he wouldn’t have realized it if it wasn’t for Pakkun.

Kakashi needs to thank the pack later for keeping him informed. He goes open the door without procrastination. At this point, avoidance seems more troublesome than a quick chat.

“You two,” Kakashi greets his former students. He isn’t too surprised to see them. “Please, come in.”

“Thanks, sensei!” Naruto exclaims. This time, he kicks his shoes off before dashing to the living room. Sakura hums approvingly. She has a large box in her arms and overall, she doesn’t seem to be in a hurry.

Kakashi furrows his brow.

“What is that?” he asks.

“We found new curtains for you,” Sakura says, patting the box. “Also, lady Tsunade asked me to check your wounds.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Kakashi assures. The truth is that he’s forgotten about the several-days-old bandages, and there was no way he’d let a student witness the end result of his own laziness. A decent adult wouldn’t even let a couple of kids think that there was a reason for concern.“I’m sure Mr. Ukki appreciates your generosity, though.”

“Gee, Kakashi-sensei, are you trying to kill him?” apparently, Naruto has noticed the sorry state of the poor being.

Kakashi brushes the comment off with a dismissive hand gesture. His ability to focus is lost. It’s not surprising given how much time has passed in solitude. Some medics think that seclusion causes more negative outcomes than anticipated.

It makes sense, Kakashi thinks, as he tries to keep track of what his students are doing. Those pain killers have done their job too well, and now they’re leaving Kakashi’s system. In all fairness, the disoriented feeling has been less distracting without social interactions. A thin veil of haziness hangs over Kakashi’s field of vision. When did everything become so blurry?

The snap back to reality comes when Kakashi catches himself standing in the middle of the living room, sweating and staring into nothing, and he’s being stared at.

“We can take them down if you want to,” Sakura suggests, and this is where Kakashi realizes that Naruto is standing on the couch, his jacket thrown over the back of it. His right arm is covered in bandages. One could never tell that there’s a newly implanted prosthetic under the layers of wraps. If there’s pain Naruto doesn’t show it, and there’s no swelling or other signs of complications. The Fifth has outdone herself.

And the new curtains are put up.

“Maa, they look great,” Kakashi flicks his gaze at the window. Light orange dandelion patterns pop against a purple background, and the room does seem a little less dim. Whether that’s a good thing is a matter of taste, and opinions require much processing.

Kakashi decides to smile. Perhaps more opinions will emerge once the feral headache is gone. Yesterday’s medication is still wearing off, and Kakashi can barely think. His chest is hurting, but locating the pain is getting more and more difficult. It’s weakening but also spreading.

That’s what injuries do when they’re healing, Kakashi concludes. The headache is the problem.

“You know, we should open them for Mr. Ukki,” Naruto says. He doesn’t ask for permission to let some sunshine in. “There, see? That is so much better!” he announces. The kid knows how to lift up people’s spirits.

Admittedly, Mr. Ukki’s leaves stop drooping. They tilt out towards daylight, greeting the sun with a delighted stretch.

Momentarily, everything is back to normal. The room is filled with laugh and chattering, and jokes and lighthearted conversations are almost powerful enough to cover the underlying tension. Kakashi pretends that he can’t notice the concerned looks that are aimed at him. He can ignore his headache for a few more minutes.

Bright light invades further into the room.

And all of a sudden, everyone is silent.

“So, tea?” Kakashi asks, just in case, but it becomes clear that he’s already asked this particular question. Naruto opens his mouth, but he never says a thing. He and Sakura exchange looks, and Sakura shakes her head. Those two are considerate guests, so they let the awkwardness slide.

Kakashi can’t recall what has been said during the past half hour. He’s too tired to feel ashamed about it.

It’s surprising how meaningless dignity has become.

Sakura let out a forced chuckle, and her smile won’t reach her eyes. However, the attempt to save the situation is earnest.

“I think we’re good,” she says. “Anyway, we should be going. Gotta get those daily exercises out of the way, right, Naruto?”

“Yeah, that’s right!” Naruto blurts out, jumping up from his seat. He’s at the doorway in no time, but when he has his shoes back on, he pauses like he’s realized something. Sakura follows him soon after, and Kakashi sighs in his mind. Students shouldn’t be worrying about their teachers like this.

“I still think you should visit lady Tsunade some time,” Sakura suggests when she’s already halfway out of the door. “Just in case. Those wounds need to be checked.”

“I’ll contact her tomorrow,” Kakashi claims. One could argue that a meeting with the Fifth is inevitable anyway. It’s also a task that can be put aside for the future.

“Are you coming?” Sakura asks, turning to Naruto.

“Yeah, just one moment. You can go ahead,” Naruto replies, and Sakura nods.

When she’s gone, Naruto takes a deep breath and places his hand on Kakashi’s shoulder.

“Look, I know that you miss your best friend, I get that,” Naruto says. “But you know, he wouldn’t want you to mourn like this. He wanted you to be move on – to make the best out of this situation.”

Kakashi nods. Naruto is right. In a way, he’s much tougher than Kakashi ever was. Maybe that is the reason why the well-intended words rub the healing wounds like salt.

“Maa, I know,” Kakashi replies. “You and Sakura don’t have to worry about these things. Besides, you two should be focusing on your training,” he adds. It’s his turn to be right. The Fifth is a skilled medic, but there’s still much muscle work that needs to be done by Naruto to make the new arm work as intended.

Kakashi ignores the final glance from Naruto and puts his best steady face on. They wave their goodbyes and promise to catch-up soon.

And then Kakashi is finally alone. He retreats back into his apartment and goes through every drawer in the house. He manages to find a little something for his aching chest. The pills are expired which makes dosing difficult, but after a while, the worst sensations are almost gone. Sleep will take care of the rest.

Kakashi pulls the new curtains shut and settles down on the couch.

There’s something curious about the dandelion patterns. They’re wild and bizarre and somehow incredibly soothing. Maybe in another life, Obito gets a chance to go pick up an obnoxious fabric and stare at its psychedelic design for hours. That sounds like something he could’ve done if he hadn’t thrown his entire life away. Did he ever get to experience anything mundane?

Kakashi feels a glimpse of comfort before sleep kicks in. He feels a scarred cheek against his palm after the orange dandelions have melted away and turned into cold stone cubes that glow dimly.


End file.
